i...am....devine!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhh......i've just finished my first guided meditation and i feel light and clear, inside and out. it was extremely difficult to focus as my feet fell asleep, my temples were pounding and i felt this strange sensation of bugs crawling on me. i've read that while you are medidating, it's best to observe your thoughts, be a witness to them but not attach too much meaning to them. i think this feeling of creepy crawley itchiness is sign of resistance but i'm not sure to what. perhaps that secret will be revealed to me later.
we had a pop quiz in class last week and our papers were handed back to us yesterday. although i didn't like the idea having to put in so much study time outside of the 8 hours of class monday to saturday, it gave me a chance to go over some interesting material a bit more thoroughly. something i went into a bit deeper had to do with the three yogic philosophical views. when this article was talked about in class, there was dates mentioned and my brain seemed to tune it out and i missed most of it. so much for being 'present'. one of the views though was tantra.
yes, i know you all are thinking 'sex' and the kama sutra and it is indeed true that those aspects are involved in tantra. tantra is actually more of a way of thinking, a perspective. many previous religious and yogic philosophies saw the physical body as a problem to be solved, either through self-denial or intense discipline, in order to rise above negativity. the tantric view instead sees ourselves as something worthy of honouring and celebrating NOW, that each and every one of us is a devine gift. there is nothing in the past that you need to make up for, only accept to live fully in the reality you have received and rejoice in it. you need only to take where you are right in this very instant moment and just 'be'.
after all those years i spent in post-catholocism guilt, i whooped with joy in my mind. i thought for sure i was doomed after all the horrible things i've done in my lifetime. there is hope for me yet.
on a completely different note, i was out in the night market last saturday and i ran into a former work mate. i worked with kym briefly in a small restaurant called 'typhoon' back in 2005 while i was living in banff. when i was on my rounds of good-byes before returning to korea, i stopped by to have a chat with kym and we exchanged emails, promising to keep in touch as she was very interested about coming to asia to teach english. instead she toured around south america and australia before making her way to thailand. also with her in the market was another canadian named ryan from ontario. ryan has some of the most interesting travelling stories i have ever heard. when he was in his young teens, he made a pact with some of his friends that they would tour the world in any mode of transportation except for an airplane. ryan stuck to this pact and in the past 13 months has made his way from north america through south america, australia and now asia where he plans to head to europe. if you have a chance, check out his web site www.theroadislife.com . it's a good read.
ps - for those of you in korea who might be reading this and found the tantra aspect interesting, i believe shauna has studied tantra and would be a good person to discuss it with or add to my very small knowledge of it.

blossoming your buttocks

thanks once again for all the comments and emails. they really help when i'm feeling low or recovering from nasty stomach bugs such as i am now. the previous post took me a week to write as i couldn't manage to stay on the net long enough to get it all published and i've just added to it. speaking of this posting thing, it has been a biiigggggg challenge to sort it all out. i'm certain that some difficulties are because everything is written in chinese in the dashboard, as previously mentioned. i'm also learning that there are small things to look for in the page set up that will tell me if i can publish the post i just wrote or if it will be frustratingly sent out into cyber space, never to be found again, even if copied. breathe, jenna....
well, at 4 pm today, i officially completed the first week of the yoga course. this means that tomorrow is a free day. yay!! what to do? climbing? shopping? spa'ing? picture taking? new bond movie? add a slow coffee somewhere and that will be my day, if my tummy agrees.
it's been a tough week, not only because i've been sick or from the early a.m yoga practices but from all the new information being introduced everyday. this teacher training is highly influenced by the anusara style of yoga, known as heart-centered yoga and completely new to me. the poses all come from the 300+ hatha yoga poses, which all styles take from and i've studied yet anusara takes it to another level by introducing universal alignments to the pose and it's own unique language. in class, i will hear things like 'take your shin bones in, thigh bones back, shine your chest to the sky, melt your heart to the floor, feel the juicyness in your breath, take a delicious savasana', and yes, 'blossom you buttocks'. what the latter actually means is to open your pelvic floor to create a more stable foundation within the pose. without getting too technical and boring, i am simply amazed at the difference i feel in only a week while i'm in poses i've been doing years. it can be eyebrow raising at times to see jonas and sara say something completely contradictory to what i've studied in the past but such is yoga; it's everyones expression of their art at that moment.
a large part of this course is also meditation, yogic philosophy and an emphasis on self-study. i've dabbled a bit in meditation but always felt like i wasn't 'doing' it right and felt some resistance to it. what i've come to realize that it's not about what i am doing, its about my 'being' that matters. my favourite meditations are the chanting which happen in sanskrit everyday. we start with a group 'aum' and then do a 'call-and-response' with the teacher. it gives me shivers and goosebumps to feel and hear the energy of 28 pulsating beings as they sing with all their hearts. although i am no longer a practising christian, it's a pleasant reminder of my hours spent in mass and the hymms we would sing. i haven't yet made a trip to the temple next door to the blue house to see the monks chanting for lack of time. i will add that to tomorrows list.

hi, my name is jenna....

beep, beep, beep. it's 5:49 am and my alarm has gone off to get me up for my morning sadhana yoga practice. a shower, some greens, a quick check to make sure i have my required books and materials and i'm out the door by 6:35 am. the city of chiang mai is still sleepy but has already begun to awaken. as i pad silently down the narrow streets, my ipod spilling its sound into my ears, the sky brightens even further to reveal the beauty around me.

'...i've been thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned...'

two bare footed teenage buddhist monks wrapped in their saffron-coloured robes are also busy at this hour collecting their various donations of food, flowers and incense from the local people. i watch with amusement as they peer excitedly into the large plastic bag they were handed by a guesthoue owner and discover some cookies. they notice me looking at them and immediatly look down in modesty, cover their gifts with their robes and continue on with their collection duties.
upon arrival to the building where my yoga study is being held, we are asked to remain in silence until 9 am. i rather enjoy this request because although there are numerous people in my course i would love to chat with, it's good to be inside yourself at that hour without the responsibiltiy of being nice. i'm surprized at how good i feel so early but my body lacks strength as i move it through the various yoga positions. 'it will come', i tell myself, 'focus on where you are now'. 'nice, jenna. press through your hands, melt your heart to the floor and ground your feet', jonas says softly next to my mat.
'jenna?', you say? who is that? well, thats me in this month-long yoga teacher training course i am currently in. there are 28 students from all over the world who have come to study with swedish-born jonas westring and americal sara avant stover. jenna has come about as a way to get around confusion of having three students named jenn in the class. i still look blankly at people occasionally when they address me as jenna and then realize they are talking to me. someone has even told me that i look like a 'jenna' more than a 'jenn' so i guess it was a good choice.
i've settled into the cm blue house, the place i'm staying at in chiang mai(cm)
nicely and highly recommend it to anyone travelling this way. there are a few other yoga students staying there; copper and vanessa crow from america (the howdiers, g!) and joannne from k.l. the crows came in from hongkong where they are teachers at the yogatropolis known as 'pure yoga'. if your a reader of yoga journal then you would have seen the back cover advertisments for these enormous studios all over asia with plans to develop more. vanessa and copper's set up is somewhat similiar to teaching english; free housing, car included, bills paid and your worked hard. i have plans to head to hongkong sometime next may or june with fellow ecc'er marissa (and any others who would like to join :) for a 4-day yoga conference being held at pure, and the crow's have graciously invited me to stay at their place in exchange for eccentric korean stationary. apparently copper has a thing for stickers. they also mentioned that pure is always hiring. hmmmmm.....

????

here i am in chiang mai and after visiting three different internet cafes, i finally found one that will let me post pics on the blog. unfortunately, the posting section language is all in chinese (maybe?)so i'm pressing random buttons, hoping they will be the right ones. i had this problem in korea but the language was hangul. bear with my errors until i figure out the options. there will be more to come soon....xo

i'm very love english

i was sorting through a bunch of papers i seemed to have accumulated in my notebook and came across this letter from one of my students at ecc. my former partner teacher, mrs. ym, was sweet enough to ask my students, who i wasn't teaching that day, to write me good-bye letters to give to me on my last day. here is one from cha su yeon, a half of a set of twins i had in my 7 pm class;

hi jennifer teacher?
my think teacher is good
i love you
where go?
don't goes to the thailand
i am sad
teacher is love me?
teacher not go, i'am smile
teacher go i'am sad
i want give the floer
good lunk
see you again
-su yeon-
i will certainly miss all my students. well, most of them.

bkk and still de-layering...

thanks to all of you who have left comments and emails. it's been great to re-connect and i hope to continue hearing from you.
my arrival into bkk went smoothly and i am staying in the central business district downtown. there is a lot of money being spent everywhere, a constant hum, and a starbucks on every corner. what did you say about 'saturation', aisha?
i'm staying a a nice guesthouse tucked away on a quiet soi(alley/street) with 5 large blue-eyed huskies standing guard in the courtyard. it looks so strange to see that kind of dog in the heat of thailand but they are a friend bunch and will be very photogenic, i'm sure.
so tomorrows plans....
-up early for free breakfast
-10 am trip to travel agent to (hopefully as its booked up) get my train tix
-1:15 to yoga elements studio for a 2 hr. 'focus' class
-sushi for lunch (i'll have some red tuna for you, g)
-hmmmm...foot massage, hair cut, shopping until train leaves....

ahhhh...it's good to be here again, pack slung on my back and on the move.
being unemployed comes waaayyyy to easy :)

shedding layers...

it feels like i've been dropping layers since i left sok'cho yesterday. as soon as greg dropped me at the bus station and i sat down, the realization of what has begun hit me....and i cried...hard...but got myself together and made my way to the airport. i've made three trips to the bathroom already to peel off my winter layers before i hit bangkok. i'll be interested to see what else i can peel off....

last day of teaching....

in another hour, i will be on my way to school for my last day of teaching at ecc. i'll be walking to work with mixed feelings of sadness, excitement and thankfulness. i am so grateful for having had the opportunity to work and live in sok'cho and my job working for mrs. kim at ecc was filled with inspiring challenges. i am planning to return to korea for another year of teaching but it will be in a larger city about an hour south of sok'cho called gangneung. i was offered a position at a university there as a visiting professor and although i will be taking a paycut compared to my current salary, the opportunity for extended time off to make trips back to canada and continue my yoga study is more important to me. it also helps that i paid off my student loan a few months ago ;)
on a different note, yesterday greg and i made a trip to the dental hygenist to have our teeth scraped and cleaned before heading out on our travels. the appointment was set up through an adult student from ecc named alice. she is a professor at the local college here which specializes in educating dental technicians and hygenists and graciously offered to let her students hone their cleaning skills on us while we got a thorough check up.
we met alice at dong-u college and she brought us into a very modern-looking room filled with sparkling dental equipment and chattering female students. there was a bit of a rustle that moved through the room when greg and i entered as i imagine foreigners are not common there. alice had a few words with her 'best' students and promptly left us in their hands. i think greg and i were both a bit nervous with the language barrier and all. the hygenists didn't speak much english but managed to convey an important message - raise your hand if it hurts. my anxiety level was raised a bit further when the student draped a soft, blue cloth over my face with only an opening for my mouth. there was something disconcerning about not being able to see but after a while, i found it more relaxing.
the student turned out to be very proficient and professional and was finished very quickly. after removing the cloth, she handed me a mirror, pointed to my back molars and spoke quite a few korean phrases. i nodded my head in concerned understanding, pretending to know what she was saying when i really had no clue (a bad habit i've picked up living in a non-english country but it seems more polite sometimes). she must have seen the question mark forming on my brow as she continued to speak to me, furrowed her own brow and finally came out with 'black!'. sure enough upon closer inspection, i could see some black specs in my teeth indicating cavities. i felt devastated. i haven't had a cavity since i was in primary school and the thought of having them filled overseas frightened me. as she lead me out of the cleaning room to take me back to alice, i pondered over my options; have it filled here, thailand or wait till i made it home to canada.
alice took a look herself at my teeth and agreed with the student. indeed i had two small fissure cavities. alice then had a few more words with the student and i was lead back to the cleaning room once again. they explained that they were going to put a sealer on my teeth as a prevention method. the cavities would be filled and unable to get any bigger plus, the sealer would help any future cavities from forming. i was thankful i had the same proceedure done back in university when i was still covered under my fathers health care so i knew what would be happening. i also knew how expensive this would be since it is an optional thing but considering my options, it would be worth it.
after a few more minutes, it was all over and once again i was chattng with alice, thanking her profusly for the help of her and her students and asking how much the bill was. free. pardon? yes, it was all free as it was done as part of the training course for the students. it turns out that alice actually specializes in preventative dentistry and was happy to let her students practice the sealant proceedure on us. she then took us out for some mountain vegetable rice for lunch and sent us home with new toothbrushes in hand.
alice, if you happen to read this, thank you so much once again.

outdoor yoga

a fine balance.....

ahhhhhhhh.......the warmth of the sun
ahhhhhhh #2.......


this was one of the most amazing yoga classes yet....outdoors, next to the ocean in an ancient korean historical pagoda. we sure were a site for all the tourists.

greg was kind enough to let me post some of his pics . i'll be missing his photographic expertise - who else could make me look this good?

...2 more teaching days and counting...

welcome to my first post. i'm just a few days shy of hopping on a plane to begin one of my most challenging journeys yet. i hope you'll join in along the way. here's to cliff-jumping!!