i...am....devine!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhh......i've just finished my first guided meditation and i feel light and clear, inside and out. it was extremely difficult to focus as my feet fell asleep, my temples were pounding and i felt this strange sensation of bugs crawling on me. i've read that while you are medidating, it's best to observe your thoughts, be a witness to them but not attach too much meaning to them. i think this feeling of creepy crawley itchiness is sign of resistance but i'm not sure to what. perhaps that secret will be revealed to me later.
we had a pop quiz in class last week and our papers were handed back to us yesterday. although i didn't like the idea having to put in so much study time outside of the 8 hours of class monday to saturday, it gave me a chance to go over some interesting material a bit more thoroughly. something i went into a bit deeper had to do with the three yogic philosophical views. when this article was talked about in class, there was dates mentioned and my brain seemed to tune it out and i missed most of it. so much for being 'present'. one of the views though was tantra.
yes, i know you all are thinking 'sex' and the kama sutra and it is indeed true that those aspects are involved in tantra. tantra is actually more of a way of thinking, a perspective. many previous religious and yogic philosophies saw the physical body as a problem to be solved, either through self-denial or intense discipline, in order to rise above negativity. the tantric view instead sees ourselves as something worthy of honouring and celebrating NOW, that each and every one of us is a devine gift. there is nothing in the past that you need to make up for, only accept to live fully in the reality you have received and rejoice in it. you need only to take where you are right in this very instant moment and just 'be'.
after all those years i spent in post-catholocism guilt, i whooped with joy in my mind. i thought for sure i was doomed after all the horrible things i've done in my lifetime. there is hope for me yet.
on a completely different note, i was out in the night market last saturday and i ran into a former work mate. i worked with kym briefly in a small restaurant called 'typhoon' back in 2005 while i was living in banff. when i was on my rounds of good-byes before returning to korea, i stopped by to have a chat with kym and we exchanged emails, promising to keep in touch as she was very interested about coming to asia to teach english. instead she toured around south america and australia before making her way to thailand. also with her in the market was another canadian named ryan from ontario. ryan has some of the most interesting travelling stories i have ever heard. when he was in his young teens, he made a pact with some of his friends that they would tour the world in any mode of transportation except for an airplane. ryan stuck to this pact and in the past 13 months has made his way from north america through south america, australia and now asia where he plans to head to europe. if you have a chance, check out his web site www.theroadislife.com . it's a good read.
ps - for those of you in korea who might be reading this and found the tantra aspect interesting, i believe shauna has studied tantra and would be a good person to discuss it with or add to my very small knowledge of it.