to help bring in the year of the pig (or boar if you wish) properly, penni and i started last evening with one of our favourite poses; pigasana. after returning from chatting with greg online (sooooo nice) i went back to the apartment and met up with penni there. as we continued with our ongoing debate about the merits of ashtanga and anusara yoga, penni suggested we go around to the local 'chat' or snack house. we ordered up a huge feast of nan bread, dahl, rice and fried noodles (the latter was for penni). i have found the food completely delicious here, beginning right from the meal i had on the airplane. when the plane food was good, i knew i was in for a real treat once i arrived. after eating pretty much whatever i wanted and loving it, except for my heavy body, i was amazed that i never got sick. i was also interested to see how my body would be feeling as i've been purely vegetarian since i came to india and was on my way there for most of thailand.
being vegetarian while travelling was not a conscious choice. it was more about what was available to me and what looked good to eat. eggs and a bit of chicken seemed ok in thailand but i feel skeptical in india as most people are veg. pennis suggested after several day of heavy indian food eating that we only eat fruit for a day and then only vegetables for the next. whhhhaaattt? mono-dieting? but of course! for those of you that were close to me in korea would know that every monday for the past year has been 'veggie' monday for me. this means i only eat veggies for the day, slightly cooked or raw, in attempts to clean out the toxins i accumulated by the week-end festivities. it was a good system and one i highly reccommend. it also helps with the sugar-guilts (heehee). alas, the soup wars began!
it turns out that penni is a great cook and did us up one sweet, slightly lemony greek-style soup after we finished our all-fruit day. after two days of healthy eating, we both felt great, were having strong yoga practices and keen to keep on it. the next day was my turn, and in utter kitchen bliss, i turned out a pumpkin,sweet potatoe veggie chowder that was a hit. it was so nice to be cooking again and i felt wonderful. until i got home after yoga practice. then, things turned nasty; fever, intense body/joint/head/neck aches, belly the size of a watermelon and painful scoots. i lay in bed for the rest of the day and the next, hoping my body would purge itself. whatever was making me sick was holding on tight though and i eventually resorted to some ibuprofen to bring down my fever and help the aches. it worked but the scoots keep a'comin'.
here i am 4 days later...and they keep a'comin'. it doesn't seem to matter what i eat, my body is rejecting it and then some. this has not been helpful for the yoga practice, especially at 6 a.m with the 50kg indian man standing on me asking me if i want more and not waiting for my reply. after class we made a trip to the ayurvedic dr. and he made a diagnosis. stomach infection. excuse me? a.k.a dysentery. oh, that one. he said i probably got food poisoning from who knows what and its moved into my lower digestive system. he gave me a few sachets of small brown balls, some nasty smelling powder to drink, and told to me to eat lots of pomegranates. he said the pomegranates would help with the scoots and give me yoga energy, something to rememeber for the future.
i've also been in the midst of making plans for my exit from mysore in a few weeks. i'll be heading to goa for 9 or 10 days for some relaxing beach time before i return to thailand january 30th. i was hoping to fly to auckland right after that but my chances of heading out before february 10th are not good. instead i've decided (well, almost) to meet up with jonas again for another weeks worth of anusara training. having done quite a few ashtanga classes now, i'm not really 'feeling' like the strict ashtangi i once was. i enjoy the series of postures and the intensive focus of breath in ashtanga, but i'm missing (as vanessa crow would say) the 'blasting off'. what i mean from this is the freedom of expression that goes on in anusara, of opening up the pose to where ever you can take it and sending out all that organic energy thats pulses through your body. mmmmmm....
for now, i'll continue with the ashtanga and take to it like its strength training. sort of like doing reps on the pull-up bar for climbing. ahhhh, the c-word. these hands haven't touched rock since greg and i were last at awl-gul-bawi almost 3 months ago. i've been carrying my climbing gear around with me, just in case, but yoga education has been coming first. i hope to change that when i do make it to goa as a world famous bouldering spot, hampi, is very close by. anybody want to give me a spot? :)
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
merry mysore christmas
as i lounged around the pool of a fancy hotel all day, i tried to remember where i was last christmas. ah yes! on an overnight hike with greg, andrew and sylvie. the four of us headed out into the seorak mountains looking to camp overnight for a few days. i remember the beginning of the hike starting off well. it was frigidly cold but we quickly warmed up as we began to climb the steep trails. i recall some scary moments working our way across the ridge line and a very, very chilly sleep where i refused to take even one layer off in my sleeping bag. the next day we decided to head out of the mountains and had a joyous time running downhill to jangsudae catching the bus back to sok'cho and a hot shower. this memory felt a long ways away from the tall indian coconut trees swaying above me.
things started looking up around town last night as penni and i met up with hiroko and alice, two fellow yoginis. our night started off at the southern star, the fancy hotel with a pool mentioned above. the indian people were out in full swing with fancy dress and buffets happening all around us. opting out of the buffet, we went to the restaurant next door which had great food and some even greater laughs. afterwards we headed to st. philomena's church, one of the biggest and most beautiful churches i have ever seen despite all the coloured flashing lights. i had no idea so many indians were christian but the place was packed with worshippers, kids selling flowers and candles, and a live band. we stuck around for most of the late service but when it kept going past 12 a.m, way over a yogi's bedtime, we caught a rickshaw back to our neighbourhood with plans to meet for lunch at the southern star the next day.
having recently just read about the southern star hotel in the book 'yoga school drop out' by lucy edge (very funny and informative about india, highly recommended), i was interested to check out this pool scene. apparently this was 'the' yogi hang out, a place to meet, greet, talk 'asana' and teachers.
after spending the day there, it definately lived up to it's reputation. when penni and i first arrived, there weren't many people there. the christmas lunch buffet was going on just next to the pool and had a live band doing some great renditions of 'hotel california' and 'cocaine'. one by one, the pool chairs filled up around us and the chatter quickly turned to enlightenment, which teachers are currently in town and where the cheapest internet is. at one point, a strangly familiar looking man came onto the deck, cell phone in hand, and arranged himself in the sun. as i stole glances at him, trying to figure out where i knew him from, alice leaned over and said 'did you see david swenson over there?'.
although i haven't had a conversation with david swenson, he has had a huge impact on my yoga path for several years. i was introduced to his video tape at the same time i was introduced to yoga and have travelled around the world with that tape in my backpack. in the introduction of his practice book, he talked of his trips to mysore to study with his guru, pattahabi jois, inspiring plans of my own to make it there one day. i thought of going over to him to tell him how he indirectly brought me to mysore, ironically the same time as himself, but opted to send him thoughts of gratitude and a loving kindness meditation instead. i hope he received it through all those oiled half-naked yogis and yogini's lolling around.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
mysore mornings part 2....
the second title to this post; 'PENNI! THERE'S A MONKEY IN MY WINDOW!!!'.
i should have known this. penni had just come out of her room a few minutes earlier wrapped in a towel to close all the balcony doors and windows, muttering something about 'zee awareness' and 'a man (so i thought) on the balcony'. not really sure what she was talking about as it's become very clear to me the past few days that penni is much more aware then i am, i smiled, pretending to understand what she was saying (old habits die hard). a few minutes later, i walked into my bedroom and came face-to-face with a large monkey perched in my window sill. i was scared. it was scared. we both screeched at each other and retreated. penni called just to shut the door but the image of my shiny camera and passport bag right next to the window made me face my fear and go back to the room. whew! it was gone and luckily for me, it must have been a buddhist monkey because it didn't steal anything.
not much is happening in mysore these days and i'm feeling pretty bored. most of the yoga courses have stopped for the xmas holidays and there doesn't seem to be many people around. i've heard it will explode here in early january when all the teacher training courses start but i won't be here long enough to enrol in any of them. i did attend one class on thursday. it was my first ashtanga class in many years and i've forgotten most of the primary series. the teacher, sheshadri, was an energetic man. i've never seen a yoga teacher put out so much energy into class that he wasn't leading, running around to adjust everyone. the invocation and first few sun salutations were vocally led and then we were left to our own practice. as i tried to remember the poses past the standing series, sheshadri and his young assistant were right there to help me out. i had heard that he gave 'strong' assists and i was very thankful for the alignment principles sara and jonas taught in chiang mai. i was also surprised at how my flexibilty has increased and i acheived several poses that i have never done before.
the highlight of my practice though had to be in what i think is called 'garba pindasana'. this is where you take full-lotus, squish your arms through your legs to rest your head in your hands for a few breaths and then roll around your mat in a cirle, still all bound up. lotus has never come easy to me but c.m has definatley opened the hips a bit further. sheshadri saw my hesitation and zoomed in on me. he sat down in front of me, told me to push up my pant legs to my upper innner thigh and proceeded to douse me, my legs, and my mat with water. then he told me to push my hands through my legs, starting with the right, on an angle. there was no space to be found on my right side but he wouldn't have it. 'push harder!'. suddenly my fingers popped through, which he yanked up to my elbow. i was locked in and officially 'bound'. my left arm went through much easier but i was feeling a bit claustraphobic. after i took a few breaths with my head in my hands, sheshadri let me go and i let out a yelp as i tipped right over. he then rocked me around my mat allowing me to soak up the water left there with my back side and told me to take a vinyasa. intense but exciting. everytime he came over, i felt scared but excited to see where he could push my limits too. do i sense a bit of masochism here?!?
i also started a panchakarma routine today. this is an 8-day ayurvedic cleansing supervised by the indian doctor. as today was my first day, i went to the office where i ws greeted by several indian workers. they took a plastic patio chair, placed in front of the office shrine of a hindu diety and motioned for me to sit down. they all gathered round and sang a chant of some sort that lasted a few minutes, then presented me with a cup filled with medicated warm ghee (clarified butter) and another cup of hot water as a chaser. down the hatch! it wasn't too bad but then an eldery lady waiting to start her own panchakarma told me that tomorrow i would receive double the amount of ghee and then triple by the next few days. thats it? thats what i was paying $200 u.s for? i thought there would be different kinds of exotic massage and steam baths involved. a little disappointing. the doctor wasn't in today but i'm hoping he will be around tomorrow and i can discuss the proceedure a bit further.
in the meantime, i'm sending you all my love and best wishes for a merry christmas and happy new year. i missing you more than i can write and think of you all the time. i'll be toasting you with my next cup full of ghee ;) xoxoxox
i should have known this. penni had just come out of her room a few minutes earlier wrapped in a towel to close all the balcony doors and windows, muttering something about 'zee awareness' and 'a man (so i thought) on the balcony'. not really sure what she was talking about as it's become very clear to me the past few days that penni is much more aware then i am, i smiled, pretending to understand what she was saying (old habits die hard). a few minutes later, i walked into my bedroom and came face-to-face with a large monkey perched in my window sill. i was scared. it was scared. we both screeched at each other and retreated. penni called just to shut the door but the image of my shiny camera and passport bag right next to the window made me face my fear and go back to the room. whew! it was gone and luckily for me, it must have been a buddhist monkey because it didn't steal anything.
not much is happening in mysore these days and i'm feeling pretty bored. most of the yoga courses have stopped for the xmas holidays and there doesn't seem to be many people around. i've heard it will explode here in early january when all the teacher training courses start but i won't be here long enough to enrol in any of them. i did attend one class on thursday. it was my first ashtanga class in many years and i've forgotten most of the primary series. the teacher, sheshadri, was an energetic man. i've never seen a yoga teacher put out so much energy into class that he wasn't leading, running around to adjust everyone. the invocation and first few sun salutations were vocally led and then we were left to our own practice. as i tried to remember the poses past the standing series, sheshadri and his young assistant were right there to help me out. i had heard that he gave 'strong' assists and i was very thankful for the alignment principles sara and jonas taught in chiang mai. i was also surprised at how my flexibilty has increased and i acheived several poses that i have never done before.
the highlight of my practice though had to be in what i think is called 'garba pindasana'. this is where you take full-lotus, squish your arms through your legs to rest your head in your hands for a few breaths and then roll around your mat in a cirle, still all bound up. lotus has never come easy to me but c.m has definatley opened the hips a bit further. sheshadri saw my hesitation and zoomed in on me. he sat down in front of me, told me to push up my pant legs to my upper innner thigh and proceeded to douse me, my legs, and my mat with water. then he told me to push my hands through my legs, starting with the right, on an angle. there was no space to be found on my right side but he wouldn't have it. 'push harder!'. suddenly my fingers popped through, which he yanked up to my elbow. i was locked in and officially 'bound'. my left arm went through much easier but i was feeling a bit claustraphobic. after i took a few breaths with my head in my hands, sheshadri let me go and i let out a yelp as i tipped right over. he then rocked me around my mat allowing me to soak up the water left there with my back side and told me to take a vinyasa. intense but exciting. everytime he came over, i felt scared but excited to see where he could push my limits too. do i sense a bit of masochism here?!?
i also started a panchakarma routine today. this is an 8-day ayurvedic cleansing supervised by the indian doctor. as today was my first day, i went to the office where i ws greeted by several indian workers. they took a plastic patio chair, placed in front of the office shrine of a hindu diety and motioned for me to sit down. they all gathered round and sang a chant of some sort that lasted a few minutes, then presented me with a cup filled with medicated warm ghee (clarified butter) and another cup of hot water as a chaser. down the hatch! it wasn't too bad but then an eldery lady waiting to start her own panchakarma told me that tomorrow i would receive double the amount of ghee and then triple by the next few days. thats it? thats what i was paying $200 u.s for? i thought there would be different kinds of exotic massage and steam baths involved. a little disappointing. the doctor wasn't in today but i'm hoping he will be around tomorrow and i can discuss the proceedure a bit further.
in the meantime, i'm sending you all my love and best wishes for a merry christmas and happy new year. i missing you more than i can write and think of you all the time. i'll be toasting you with my next cup full of ghee ;) xoxoxox
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
mysore mornings....
you are now reading the post of a newly-graduated 200 hr. yoga teacher. the end of the course finished with a small ceremony to hand out certificates and dinner. the setting was beautiful. we were in a cliff-side restaurant next to a sizable waterfall with big boulders all around. the yoga crew had gone for a silent group hike earlier that day up to a buddhist temple and more large waterfalls, perfect for some sitting meditation or pictureques yoga posing. it was like coming back home to korea for me on that hike. the scenery was almost identical, save for the temples. it felt great to be back in the trees and the urge to run was overwhelming but i had to settle for playing 'photographer' instead.
after dinner ended,it was time for some teary good-byes and many promises about future meetings. although i'm not sure i will ever see any of those friends again, i am certain we will all be connected for a life-time. a few of us did meet up at a cafe for some very un-yogic indulgences such as coffees, amazing brownies and beer. yes, beer and lots of it. the party escalated at the reggae bar and then moved over to copper and vanessa's place. before long, it was 4 a.m and all decided to call it a night, except for keef who had already claimed the crow's balcony floor. lauren stayed over at my place while i, who was way too wired from the nights' party, decided it was time to start the tedious process of packing and sorting.
i left chiang mai on the 10 pm night train on my way to bangkok. it was my first time on the train in thailand and i will be sure to book many days ahead next time to ensure that i get a 'sleeping bunk'. it wasn't too bad. i was stuffed on a bench seat next to the largest asian man i have ever seen and after i accepted that i would be sharing my seat with him, it was actually quite nice as he kept me warm during the breazy night. trying to pee on an erratically swerving train while perched on a squatter toilet is a whole other story, though :)
after a quick few hours down on kao son road, i was newly waxed and outfitted with some travelling clothes on my way to catch my flight to bangalore, india. i had some sort of plan about where i would go when i arrived in bangalore (good idea) but hadn't thought about calling to book something (bad idea when arriving at 12 am). after some tedious deal-makings with the taxi driver, he took me to a few hotels by the bus and train station, and i think the seediest part of bangalore. i wasn't to keen to be trucking around with a big pack on and hoped the hotel workers would be kinder than the taxi people i had been dealing with. no such luck. i was greeted with several disapproving frowns when i entered the hotels, telling me they had no single rooms and quoting me room charges double than what were posted on the wall. after the third hotel, i went outside with my taxi driver still annoyingly trailing after me (wanting a tip (probably), worried about my safety (doubtful)). when he suggested that for some extra rupees he would take me to some great place he knew about, i put my hand up for him to stop talking and i started to cry. my lack of sleep for the past 4 days was catching up on me and i only wanted the driver to take me back to the airport so i could get on the next plane back to thailand and be sipping an iced coffee on the beach before i knew it.
reminder to self; you came to india because it would not be easy. oh right. back inside the hotel, i accepted the inflated room charge and made my way upstairs. i was terrified of everything and anything that moved. why? because it is unfamiliar to me. i knew that feeling would subside as i got to know my way around a bit and reminded myself that it was similiar to how i felt first arriving in nepal, like everyone was trying to take advantage of your 'newness'. alas, after a sleepless night, i got up to make my way outside and tried to find the bus station and some internet. it wasn't as accessible as thailand but i managed to find myself on the bus to mysore for 11 a.m, gratefully seated next to a young indian woman and instantly fell asleep. occasionally when the bus would suddenly slam on the brakes, my eyes would drift open to gaze outside the window and sights seemed dream-like; ladies in multi-coloured saris walking, cows everywhere, horse-drawn carts, bmw's, scenery like i had never seen. my photographer's instinct was urging me to get the camera out but the need sleep overpowered. i will have to rely on memory instead.
once in mysore, i made a telephone call to hiroko, penni's friend, and the two of them came to meet me at the apartment penni, and now also myself, is staying at. it's a lovely place on the third floor with two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a wrap-around balcony. laskshmi, the indian cleaning lady, came today to tidy the place and for $2, she will come 3x a week. deal. penni and i have been busy walking around town today talking to the other yogi's about who is in town teaching what and if they are good or not. i hope to get myself into some ayurvedic cleansing and some yoga instruction by tomorrow or the next day. in the mean time, there is lots to see and i hope to have pics soon. namaste...
after dinner ended,it was time for some teary good-byes and many promises about future meetings. although i'm not sure i will ever see any of those friends again, i am certain we will all be connected for a life-time. a few of us did meet up at a cafe for some very un-yogic indulgences such as coffees, amazing brownies and beer. yes, beer and lots of it. the party escalated at the reggae bar and then moved over to copper and vanessa's place. before long, it was 4 a.m and all decided to call it a night, except for keef who had already claimed the crow's balcony floor. lauren stayed over at my place while i, who was way too wired from the nights' party, decided it was time to start the tedious process of packing and sorting.
i left chiang mai on the 10 pm night train on my way to bangkok. it was my first time on the train in thailand and i will be sure to book many days ahead next time to ensure that i get a 'sleeping bunk'. it wasn't too bad. i was stuffed on a bench seat next to the largest asian man i have ever seen and after i accepted that i would be sharing my seat with him, it was actually quite nice as he kept me warm during the breazy night. trying to pee on an erratically swerving train while perched on a squatter toilet is a whole other story, though :)
after a quick few hours down on kao son road, i was newly waxed and outfitted with some travelling clothes on my way to catch my flight to bangalore, india. i had some sort of plan about where i would go when i arrived in bangalore (good idea) but hadn't thought about calling to book something (bad idea when arriving at 12 am). after some tedious deal-makings with the taxi driver, he took me to a few hotels by the bus and train station, and i think the seediest part of bangalore. i wasn't to keen to be trucking around with a big pack on and hoped the hotel workers would be kinder than the taxi people i had been dealing with. no such luck. i was greeted with several disapproving frowns when i entered the hotels, telling me they had no single rooms and quoting me room charges double than what were posted on the wall. after the third hotel, i went outside with my taxi driver still annoyingly trailing after me (wanting a tip (probably), worried about my safety (doubtful)). when he suggested that for some extra rupees he would take me to some great place he knew about, i put my hand up for him to stop talking and i started to cry. my lack of sleep for the past 4 days was catching up on me and i only wanted the driver to take me back to the airport so i could get on the next plane back to thailand and be sipping an iced coffee on the beach before i knew it.
reminder to self; you came to india because it would not be easy. oh right. back inside the hotel, i accepted the inflated room charge and made my way upstairs. i was terrified of everything and anything that moved. why? because it is unfamiliar to me. i knew that feeling would subside as i got to know my way around a bit and reminded myself that it was similiar to how i felt first arriving in nepal, like everyone was trying to take advantage of your 'newness'. alas, after a sleepless night, i got up to make my way outside and tried to find the bus station and some internet. it wasn't as accessible as thailand but i managed to find myself on the bus to mysore for 11 a.m, gratefully seated next to a young indian woman and instantly fell asleep. occasionally when the bus would suddenly slam on the brakes, my eyes would drift open to gaze outside the window and sights seemed dream-like; ladies in multi-coloured saris walking, cows everywhere, horse-drawn carts, bmw's, scenery like i had never seen. my photographer's instinct was urging me to get the camera out but the need sleep overpowered. i will have to rely on memory instead.
once in mysore, i made a telephone call to hiroko, penni's friend, and the two of them came to meet me at the apartment penni, and now also myself, is staying at. it's a lovely place on the third floor with two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a wrap-around balcony. laskshmi, the indian cleaning lady, came today to tidy the place and for $2, she will come 3x a week. deal. penni and i have been busy walking around town today talking to the other yogi's about who is in town teaching what and if they are good or not. i hope to get myself into some ayurvedic cleansing and some yoga instruction by tomorrow or the next day. in the mean time, there is lots to see and i hope to have pics soon. namaste...
Saturday, December 16, 2006
pics from chiang mai
the pics, top to bottom, are...
the lovely lauren singing her stuff
katherine and i having a laugh in double dog
jeong ah, katherine and penni
anastas in forearm stand
last class of the course - yay!!!
jenn from america assiting jeong ah in shouldstand with penni and jess in the background
Friday, December 15, 2006
it's almost over....or it's just begun
wow! the time has been flying here in c.m and here it is the eve of my last day of the teacher training course. i've just returned from one of the local yoga studio's where our group of 30 met up to put on 'skits' for our peers. i am simply amazed at the talent that came out of my new friends. from impromtu songs, tibetan chanting, body percussion, hints on learning how to draw, to a hilarious satire on sara, one of the teachers. i was part of a dance troup with our two beautiful greeks in the group, anastas and penni. the greeks were kind enough to show 6 of us girls a few sexy dance moves and we intertwined them with a few anusara movements. it was a very fun night and my face is a bit sore from smiling so much. nice.
earlier this week i returned from a meditation retreat held in the country side about a half hour outside of c.m city. it was so good to get out of the smoggy city and see some real life and fresh air. the retreat was run by two buddhist women who specialize in working with female activists who get burnt out from all the negativity they face. the setting was beautiful especially the temple the women built themselves. we required to wake at 5:30 am to be in sitting meditation for an hour at 6 am and sworn to noble silence shortly after we arrived. we sat 4 times a day with luscious vegetarian meals between. we were warned by sara not to eat too much, which often happens when you have no other distractions, but the food was so good, i don't think anyone listened. hence a lot of falling over and nodding off during sitting times, myself included. after the sittings, we would have 'personal time' which meant we could continue our meditation in any way we pleased; walking, laying down (i love the sleeping meditation - heehee) or riding one of the retreats' bikes around the farmlands. i chose the latter and had some tranquil moments riding with vanessa, watching the sun come up and seeing the thai people hard at work in the organic fields.
the meditation part did not come easy to me. i was using all the techniques that i had been taught like counting my breath cycles. i would go through 10 rounds, counting on my fingers and then poke around in my mind to see if anything had changed. nope, still the same. back to counting. in the dharma discussions that followed, a very enlightened member of the yoga group explained that there was no point in waiting for any big change to happen or light to go off in you head. there is no 'aha!' moment because you are already there and need to learn to be with that moment instead of thinking about the past or planning for the future, pretty much what our thoughts are doing all the time. it's that simple.
in our first class back from returning to the city, we had something called an 'integration circle'. it's here where all members are invited to share whatever they like and the topics are often deeply personal with heavy emotional depth. i hadn't spoken at any of the previous circles and was determined to say something, knowing it was the last one we were to have. when sara called out that there was time for one more person, i threw up my hand. before i even began to speak, tears were streaming down my face and i was visibly shaking. i had intended to keep it light, compliment sara and jonas on their great teaching job and how happy i was to be there. instead what came out were thoughts and feelings about the tsunami almost exactly 2 years ago. as i sobbed, out came my guilt and shame for not helping out more, for withdrawing instead of reacting, for feeling like i only took from this country and didn't give enough when it needed it. sorting through my thoughts during the meditations, i realized these feelings of withdrawal have been growing in me and it's been a lonley two years. i came to this training not only to learn about yoga but to learn about myself, open myself, and look into my fear instead of turning away from it.
as i expressed these emotions to the group, i made a point of looking around to each and every persons eyes. what i saw there was astounding; caring, support, love, admiration, and more tears. what struck me the most though was that everyone was exactly there at that moment, not looking down or off in the distance. they were there, with me, empathizing with my pain. since that time, i've felt more alive and open than i have in years. i felt somewhat embarrassed afterwards at showing my vulnerable side but it feels like it strengthened my ties to the people around me and my new friendships have grown deeper. such is the wonder of being present.
this morning i picked up my visa for india. i'll be flying to bangalore next tuesday and will be heading to mysore the following day to meet up with penni. she has been to mysore several times for ashtanga yogic study and we will share an apartment when we get there. at this point, i'm feeling a bit yoga'ed out and leaning towards the ayurvedic (traditonal indian medicine) massage and some cleansing. i'm tired. my body, albeit it's stronger, is tired. my head is tired. i'm in need of some r'n'r and i find it somewhat humorous that i'm heading to chaotic india in search of that. penni claims though that we will be much closer to 'the nature' in mysore with options of sanskrit study or meditation to occupy us. sounds good to me.
earlier this week i returned from a meditation retreat held in the country side about a half hour outside of c.m city. it was so good to get out of the smoggy city and see some real life and fresh air. the retreat was run by two buddhist women who specialize in working with female activists who get burnt out from all the negativity they face. the setting was beautiful especially the temple the women built themselves. we required to wake at 5:30 am to be in sitting meditation for an hour at 6 am and sworn to noble silence shortly after we arrived. we sat 4 times a day with luscious vegetarian meals between. we were warned by sara not to eat too much, which often happens when you have no other distractions, but the food was so good, i don't think anyone listened. hence a lot of falling over and nodding off during sitting times, myself included. after the sittings, we would have 'personal time' which meant we could continue our meditation in any way we pleased; walking, laying down (i love the sleeping meditation - heehee) or riding one of the retreats' bikes around the farmlands. i chose the latter and had some tranquil moments riding with vanessa, watching the sun come up and seeing the thai people hard at work in the organic fields.
the meditation part did not come easy to me. i was using all the techniques that i had been taught like counting my breath cycles. i would go through 10 rounds, counting on my fingers and then poke around in my mind to see if anything had changed. nope, still the same. back to counting. in the dharma discussions that followed, a very enlightened member of the yoga group explained that there was no point in waiting for any big change to happen or light to go off in you head. there is no 'aha!' moment because you are already there and need to learn to be with that moment instead of thinking about the past or planning for the future, pretty much what our thoughts are doing all the time. it's that simple.
in our first class back from returning to the city, we had something called an 'integration circle'. it's here where all members are invited to share whatever they like and the topics are often deeply personal with heavy emotional depth. i hadn't spoken at any of the previous circles and was determined to say something, knowing it was the last one we were to have. when sara called out that there was time for one more person, i threw up my hand. before i even began to speak, tears were streaming down my face and i was visibly shaking. i had intended to keep it light, compliment sara and jonas on their great teaching job and how happy i was to be there. instead what came out were thoughts and feelings about the tsunami almost exactly 2 years ago. as i sobbed, out came my guilt and shame for not helping out more, for withdrawing instead of reacting, for feeling like i only took from this country and didn't give enough when it needed it. sorting through my thoughts during the meditations, i realized these feelings of withdrawal have been growing in me and it's been a lonley two years. i came to this training not only to learn about yoga but to learn about myself, open myself, and look into my fear instead of turning away from it.
as i expressed these emotions to the group, i made a point of looking around to each and every persons eyes. what i saw there was astounding; caring, support, love, admiration, and more tears. what struck me the most though was that everyone was exactly there at that moment, not looking down or off in the distance. they were there, with me, empathizing with my pain. since that time, i've felt more alive and open than i have in years. i felt somewhat embarrassed afterwards at showing my vulnerable side but it feels like it strengthened my ties to the people around me and my new friendships have grown deeper. such is the wonder of being present.
this morning i picked up my visa for india. i'll be flying to bangalore next tuesday and will be heading to mysore the following day to meet up with penni. she has been to mysore several times for ashtanga yogic study and we will share an apartment when we get there. at this point, i'm feeling a bit yoga'ed out and leaning towards the ayurvedic (traditonal indian medicine) massage and some cleansing. i'm tired. my body, albeit it's stronger, is tired. my head is tired. i'm in need of some r'n'r and i find it somewhat humorous that i'm heading to chaotic india in search of that. penni claims though that we will be much closer to 'the nature' in mysore with options of sanskrit study or meditation to occupy us. sounds good to me.
Monday, December 4, 2006
love....
....my friend andrea track from banff sent me this photo of her and her daughter xephera today and i wanted to share the love with you. spread it around...
time
i was walking down the street the other day and being the aware yogini that i am (lol), i was noticing all the wonderful places to stop for a cool drink or a delicious bite to eat. i've been making constant mental notes to myself about these certain places or things to do but haven't had time for because of the yoga course and started to feel slightly resentful towards yoga. a ha! shal-longe!
after i pondered it a bit further, i came to realize that i am not a traveller while i'm in thailand, i am a student. that means i can not luxuriate in the abundance of free time nor can i ignore my sleep and body treatment requirements to keep my energy up. well, i could but that means a tired and sleepy jenna who doesn't want to be there; not good in the 'staying present' intention.
along with this realization of the student role i've taken on, i've noticed similiar habits to those of my former ecc students. these include tapping my pencil annoyingly on the ground, poking the yogis next to me to amuse myself, and not doing my homework. how enlightening to recognize these behaviours. it makes me so grateful for every student i've ever had, either in english or yoga, because in fact they have been my best teachers yet. thank you and i love you ....xoxo
after i pondered it a bit further, i came to realize that i am not a traveller while i'm in thailand, i am a student. that means i can not luxuriate in the abundance of free time nor can i ignore my sleep and body treatment requirements to keep my energy up. well, i could but that means a tired and sleepy jenna who doesn't want to be there; not good in the 'staying present' intention.
along with this realization of the student role i've taken on, i've noticed similiar habits to those of my former ecc students. these include tapping my pencil annoyingly on the ground, poking the yogis next to me to amuse myself, and not doing my homework. how enlightening to recognize these behaviours. it makes me so grateful for every student i've ever had, either in english or yoga, because in fact they have been my best teachers yet. thank you and i love you ....xoxo
Sunday, December 3, 2006
a few more pics before i clear the card.....
andrew looking like every bit like the mt.man he is. i miss korea (gregs photo) 
drewish giving me his signature 'hello', halloween party at ecc-up 2006
anyone for a thai foot massage? chiang mai
drewish giving me his signature 'hello', halloween party at ecc-up 2006
anyone for a thai foot massage? chiang mai
vata...with kapha tendencies
carrie, juri, michael and katherine below
copper and i in partner tree pose
meester and meesus crow
copper and vanessa crow
jonas helping my angles in triangle pose
after a long week, it looks like i've finally been able to post again - yay! i don't have much time to write as i need to go and study for my test tomorrow but here are a few pics to enjoy.
copper and i in partner tree pose
meester and meesus crow
copper and vanessa crow
jonas helping my angles in triangle poseafter a long week, it looks like i've finally been able to post again - yay! i don't have much time to write as i need to go and study for my test tomorrow but here are a few pics to enjoy.
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