human 'being'....

as i sit here surrounded by various ipods and yoga pants in attempt to pack for my trip to japan tomorrow, i have this unshakable feeling deep in my belly that something is my life is shifting. i feel slightly fearful, as i often do faced with change, but there is also a great sense of excitement, like when i was a child admiring our tree on christmas morning and thinking of all the gifts to be unwrapped. thats it. i feel like a present, ready to be tenderly opened.
i'm heading to tokyo for 6 days to study with the master and creator of anusara yoga, john friend. the thought of being in the presence of this man truly moves me. not in a 'movie star/groupie' kind of way but more with deep gratitude for the immense influence this style of yoga has had on me, my perspective, and my direction in life.
it's been a hellish week trying to sort out the time away from my university job. when i first received my acceptance to this course and was informed that a scholarship was available to me to offset the enormous cost, i thought i would never get permission from my school but i had to at least ask. after a two-week wait, the admin's said yes. 8 hours later, they changed their minds again and said no. whoa. at that point, i had already confirmed my arrangements and was faced with a decision; cancel the trip or face the possibility of not being re-signed next semester. luckily, i didn't have to verbalize my decision as the admin's came back a day later and, once again, said yes.
while this was all going on, i made a suggestion to my director's that perhaps i should go talk to the 'higher ups' but was told it was better to let things cool down. i offered to write a thank you letter. this idea also was turned down but then was reversed. seeing a trend here? well, it peaked this morning, less than 24 hours before i'm leaving, when i opened two emails from my directors saying if i valued my job, i had better meet with both of these 'higher ups' before i left. this was suppose to happen sometime between my 9 am to 3:30 pm classes on an extremely busy day for me. after much running around, i was able to track down the 'president' and sit with him for a few minutes in his office. with absolute clarity, i did my best to explain that i was unable to make a choice between my job and yoga because yoga is not something i do, it's who i am. everytime i do a training, workshop or simply step onto my mat, i unravel another layer to get to the inner essence of me and my true nature. it's in that place where i find my 'juice', my rasa, my passion as i continue to open my body, heart and spirit in ways previously incomprehensible to me. it is there where i become a human 'being', not a human 'doing'.