shedding more....

once again i sit amongst a pile of yoga pants, trying to cut back on the 8 pairs i want bring (yes, i own that many!). i'm leaving to thailand for a month tomorrow. this trip will be a busy time of cleansing/shedding, acroyoga and assisting jonas westring at his level 1 immersion in chaing mai. i'm a ball of mixed emotions as i start on another journey and long for someone to guide me in the proper path. there are no mistakes, only opportunities to grow.

petal droppings.....

this past week-end was a whirlwind of rushing about so i could catch a last-minute flight to hong kong to once again study with john friend. i was contacted several weeks ago by vanessa crow, whom i did my teacher training with in thailand last year , and she told me that john was going to be holding a workshop at pure yoga, where her and her husband copper have been teaching for the past two years. i've been exchanging quite a bit of email with vanessa as of late as i put out the word to the asian kula (community) that i'm seeking a full-time yoga teaching job next year and pure yoga is often hiring. vanessa invited me to stay at her place, saying it was a good opportunity to check things out while studying with my teacher. after hearing about last minute flights going to h.k for $300 from a co-worker ,i decided to register myself in the workshop only to be told that it had been full for quite some time. i figured the universe was telling me it wasn't the time to go until i received an email wednesday night telling me pure had moved the workshop to a larger venue and was i still interested in attending. by thursday morning, i had myself booked on a sweet cathay flight and a gluten-free vegetarian meal was awaiting me at 7:45 pm friday.
this workshop was a completely different scene than what was in tokyo, right from the start of the glitzy pure studio to the 150+ yogi's who were attending. the practice room was organic with anticipatory energy when vanessa and i went in to claim our mats yet john still noticed when we walked in and came over to welcome me with a warm hug. the classes that proceeded were some of the toughest i've been in yet and it was wonderful to have vanessa beside me, a highly trained yogini, to give insights and pointers. we laughed, farted, and bitched to each other, just like old times in the a.u.a center in chiang mai and she did a very good job in telling me why i should come to work for pure. she also took me through a tour of the health food and organic supermarkets plus lunch at a raw foods restaurant called 'live'. this woman knows me well.
the time flew by and before i knew it, i was on the plane back to korea. i did manage to meet paveena, the woman who would do the hiring, and patrick, the anusara teacher whom i'd like to study under. paveena let me know that in order for me to be considered for a position there, i would need to tape a class of me teaching, which absolutely terrifies me. yikes. i'm also looking at bangkok as a potential place for work next year and will start applying in the next week or so for something at the end of february. everything is feeling so uncertain now as i leave my past behind and begin to turn to a completely different direction and i pray i'm making the right decisions. note to self; remember to breathe.

love shape monster

here it is, a week before finals, and i'm still marking my mid-terms. i've been putting off correcting my 3rd year junior mid-terms as there were several short essay questions in the format, which means a somewhat tedious struggle to understand what my students are trying to express. upon getting into them, i realized i had forgotten how entertaining they can be. one of the questions on the test was 'describe your ideal date and be specific'. here's what a male student that goes by the nickname 'blurry' wrote;

we would meet and go to the pc room (internet cafe) to play the games
we buy some game items and fried chicken and go to house and make the love shape monster
sadly, this will never happen.....:(

i'm still chuckling over that one. romance lives!!

cadeauxs....

while driving back from sok'cho this evening, i was thinking about a future blog to write when i realized its the year aniversary of starting this site. i then began to remember where i was a year ago and the series of events that lead me to this moment; leaving sok'cho and saying good-bye to greg, the teacher training in chiang mai, the experiences in india, returning to thailand to study with jonas, new zealand to see melissa and say good-bye to greg, greg returning to korea where we once again parted ways only to repeat this event when i saw him in japan in june, the beginning of my new job as an english professor at kwandong uni, teaching more yoga than ever, a trip home to n.america with incredible family times and travel experiences, all leading to this past week in tokyo with john friend. this past year has not been easy as i've tried to determine the path that aligns most with my heart and my direction is still not always clear. but life has put some direct signs in front of me that, when followed, have allowed moments of pure joy and bliss. for these gifts, i send out gratitude.

livin' the dream.....

one of my favourite things about travelling is arriving into an unfamiliar place and feeling as though i will never be able to orient myself. every landmark seems so far apart and there is a slight anxiety that i will be constantly in a state of 'lostness'. along with that though is the excitement of getting out on foot and start exploring.
after flying into tokyo sunday afternoon, i took a bus into shinjuku , by far one of the busiest areas of the nation. the pulsating neon is home to the 5-day anusara immersion with john friend that began yesterday. i was lucky enough to find a place to stay that was under $100 a night, a score in fact, as i would be sharing an apartment with a few others that included a kitchen and laundry. it is also only one subway stop away. big, big, score. i left the apartment 75 minutes before the class was to begin but finding the studio was a difficult task. alas, the universe guided me along the way and before i knew it, i was seated amongst the yogi's and john, trying to get my heart rate slowed down from my hike to the location, and writing down two reasons why i study, as per requested by john. he only gave a a 2 or 3 minutes and i wrote what came to mind quickly. before i was finished, i heard my name called and john asked me to read out my thoughts. yikes. 52 pairs of eyes turned to me, including one of the greatest yoga teachers in the world. i was terrified and my heart was rapidly coming up my throat. . i swallowed hard and began to speak much what i wrote about in the previous post; how yoga helped me shed my outside layers so that i could truly see my essence. whew. after i finished, there was a small round pf applause and john intricately wove my words into the lecture he was teaching throughout the rest of the morning. i couldn't stop myself frm beaming for the whole day. there i was, almost exactly one year after being introduced to anusara, practicing with the man himself, receiving his adjustments and compliments (he said i was lucky because i had good feet!!!). what a gift! what an honour! what joy!
day two was a little achey. my body was feeling fatigued with all the muscular energy we're putting out, not to mention the length of time we are staying in the poses to really get the proper alignment. i still had an amazing day as i got to know more of yogin's. there is mostly japanese students as to be expected, but there is also 10 of us 'foreigners', most being yoga teachers who work in hongkong, singapore or australia. there are also a couple of san fran guys who've flown in for the week, one of them who knows govinda. ahhhh, the world grows smaller. i was lucky enough to have lunch with today with a few well-travelled japanese women who took me to the most fabulous turkish restaurant. over hummous, baba ganoush and warm, garlicky pita, we exchanged many stories and much laughter. after returning home, i decided to take care of my aches by getting a thai massage just down the road from where i was staying. it was by far one of the best i have received and tomika, the masseus, was more than happy to work deeply and strongly at my throbbing hamstrings. she was wonderful and we even had a small yoga session after she finished with me.
before i left korea, i ran into a friend from sok'cho who is considering moving here in the next year. he asked me to write a post while i was here and share some impressions of tokyo. well, i can say so far that it seems as though everyone speaks some english here and there is every ethinic food you could possibly want. i feel welcome here, its easy to get around and everyone has been willing to help me find my way when i get inevitably lost. i really enjoy the japanese style and the general cleanliness that you don't find in korea although i would miss the easy accessibility to the korean mountains. the aroma of fresh nan from the indian restaurant down the street could possibly win out though :)

human 'being'....

as i sit here surrounded by various ipods and yoga pants in attempt to pack for my trip to japan tomorrow, i have this unshakable feeling deep in my belly that something is my life is shifting. i feel slightly fearful, as i often do faced with change, but there is also a great sense of excitement, like when i was a child admiring our tree on christmas morning and thinking of all the gifts to be unwrapped. thats it. i feel like a present, ready to be tenderly opened.
i'm heading to tokyo for 6 days to study with the master and creator of anusara yoga, john friend. the thought of being in the presence of this man truly moves me. not in a 'movie star/groupie' kind of way but more with deep gratitude for the immense influence this style of yoga has had on me, my perspective, and my direction in life.
it's been a hellish week trying to sort out the time away from my university job. when i first received my acceptance to this course and was informed that a scholarship was available to me to offset the enormous cost, i thought i would never get permission from my school but i had to at least ask. after a two-week wait, the admin's said yes. 8 hours later, they changed their minds again and said no. whoa. at that point, i had already confirmed my arrangements and was faced with a decision; cancel the trip or face the possibility of not being re-signed next semester. luckily, i didn't have to verbalize my decision as the admin's came back a day later and, once again, said yes.
while this was all going on, i made a suggestion to my director's that perhaps i should go talk to the 'higher ups' but was told it was better to let things cool down. i offered to write a thank you letter. this idea also was turned down but then was reversed. seeing a trend here? well, it peaked this morning, less than 24 hours before i'm leaving, when i opened two emails from my directors saying if i valued my job, i had better meet with both of these 'higher ups' before i left. this was suppose to happen sometime between my 9 am to 3:30 pm classes on an extremely busy day for me. after much running around, i was able to track down the 'president' and sit with him for a few minutes in his office. with absolute clarity, i did my best to explain that i was unable to make a choice between my job and yoga because yoga is not something i do, it's who i am. everytime i do a training, workshop or simply step onto my mat, i unravel another layer to get to the inner essence of me and my true nature. it's in that place where i find my 'juice', my rasa, my passion as i continue to open my body, heart and spirit in ways previously incomprehensible to me. it is there where i become a human 'being', not a human 'doing'.

small...

last night, i had a 'fight' of sorts with a friend that i can't stop thinking about. i had dinner plans with this friend and after a bit of bantering on skype, we agreed to meet in 10 minutes at the kalbi restaurant of choice. after closing the computer, i changed my shirt, brushed my teeth and hair, and pulled on a jacket. spying the recycling outside my door on the way out, i picked it up so i could drop it off across the street and then continue on. i was about a block away from the restaurant when my phone rang; it was the friend and he was furious. 'wtf are you doing?,' he spat out. 'you were suppose to be here 10 minutes ago!'. as he continued to curse at me, i was stunned while i tried to get an apology in and explain that i was just steps from the place. 'your always f***** sorry and your always f***** late. it's rude and i'm going home!'. click.
i burst into tears after that and cried for a long time. i haven't had that much anger directed at me in a long time and i crumbled under it. i also cried for the guilt i felt because, once again, i was late. it seems as though my whole life i have been late, or stressing about being late, or feeling guilty because of being late. i can remember running down the street when i was in primary school, piece of toast hurriedly shoved into my hand by my mother, chasing after my brother and sisters who walked on ahead quickly with irritation. being late is not new to me. although it embarasses me to write this, my friends back home have something called 'jenn time', meaning that i will probably show up 1/2 hour later than what i said i would. i've continually felt i must 'make up' for my lateness by others means; extra effort at my job, staying later than required, or by letting my so-called friend mentioned above speak abusively to me while i said sorry.
in my adult years, i'm conscious of how much stress this causes me and how this is self-inflicted. i've read self-help books, set my clocks and watches ahead, got up 2 hours before i need to be at work. yet still, i am always late. i'm beginning to realize it has to do with my concept of time. to an on-time person, when they look at the clock and see they have 15 minutes before they start work and it takes them 5 to get there, they know its time to go now. me, on the other hand, sees an extra 10 minutes and thinks i could re-organize my sock drawer, or write a post. or take out the recycling. i'm recognizing and being more aware when i do this 'time rationalizing' of sorts but it hasn't stopped the lateness. i'm at a loss for what to do because it seems as though it should be so easy, especially since being late does not serve me in any way. so why am i holding on to such a habit?