2nd optional title; yoga'd out
3rd optional title; my yoga practice is falling apart so i ate half a loaf of bread
4th optional title; ok, it was the whole loaf
something strange is going on with me, beyond the constant rumbling in my lower belly. for the past three days, my yoga practice has consistently gotten worse and worse, my body weaker and weaker, and my thoughts angrier and angrier. i don't understand where this anger is coming from. life in mysore is almost perfect, really. tons of yoga around, great food, interesting things and people to look at, a kitchen to cook in and cheap internet. so why do i feel angry when i go to yoga class, like i want to stop my foot and say 'i don't wanna do it!'?
i thought it was because style of class i had been attending; ashtanga with very firm adjustments. when i started to dread the teacher coming over to touch me, i knew it was time to find another option. on the praise of alice, i went to see her teacher, bharath, who is teaching yoga classes influenced by iyengar and sivananda. when i chatted with him, he spoke of alignment with awareness throughout the asanas, the first time i've heard those words since thailand and i was sold. my stomach seems to have settled into a regular purging schedule; 4 am - 8am and then again about 6 pm - 8 pm, allowing me just enough time to get a class in and some lunch. when i arrived at 8 am this morning, there were only two other students. bharath starts you off with his 'foundation' course, meaning you start from the basics, the sun salutations. he broke down the movements for me into steps and had me repeat them 12 times. then we moved into some easy standing postures and again held them for 9 breaths. what a difference from the fast-paced ashtanga i have been doing. i actually found it just as challenging. my body wanted to come out of the pose at breath 8 but i made myself stay til 12. thats when i started to feel angry. not at anything or anyone specific but like i wanted to stomp out of there, go home to pack my bag and get out of mysore and all it's yoga, yoga, yoga. has this ever happened to anyone else out there?
i can't decide if i'm feeling this way because i've been sick, i'm missing greg, my friends and family or if i need a break from yoga. i told myself when i came on this trip that i would absorb as much yogic teaching as i could, even when i didn't want to, as i would regret it if i didn't when i return to korea where there are no yoga classes for me. i'll continue on with bharath in the mornings and try to explore these feelings a bit further to see if i can trace some meaning behind them. ...loving kindness (finger pointed at me)....loving kindness....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment